Immunity : Unfiltered

 There’s something about December that seems to give relatives a free pass to ask questions they would never dare to voice in July. You step through the door, still peeling off your coat, and suddenly it’s an open-mic night for unsolicited opinions. “Why did you become vegetarian ?” “Got a boyfriend yet?” “When are you going to settle down properly?” “Are you sure you should be studying that?” " BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS! YOU CAN EAT A FEW EXTRA CALORIES!" "Are you sure you should be eating THAT much? remember when you were really fat last year"  It’s the festive equivalent of being cornered by a committee you never applied to join. Let’s be honest: Christmas visits are rarely simple, especially when you’re navigating chronic illness , recovery arcs , or just plain old self-development . The season is wrapped in tinsel, but the emotional labour underneath can feel like lifting a piano with one hand. It's brutal.  Why Boundaries Matter Now More Than Ever ...

There’s a particular kind of madness that descends on any uni campus after Reading Week . One moment you’re blinking at your timetable, convinced there’s still all the time in the world; the next, the assignments are marching toward you like an invading army, each demanding attention, structure, citations, and some semblance of intellectual composure. It basically is " Plato's Cave " ... But more widespread... Honestly the collective ICK could be felt, and for me, well It's been a while, so all I had was doubt! haha I call this season The November Scaries . And honestly? I did not expect to make it through. Even at half the workload of a traditional student, it has been a lot. Not just academically, but emotionally. I came into this course as someone who hadn’t studied in years, someone who assumed their mind had rusted over at the hinges. Someone carrying far more than just notebooks and pens into the classroom. Trauma has a strange way of slipping into the readi...

HI EVERYONE!  This was my week so far, and actually a lot to update, kinda.  💖📚🍁🍂 Study aesthetic, and bullet journal vibes, and yes I colour code EVERYTHING, because it helps me to concentrate on my notes, as a visual learner with Dyslexia... 📚🕮✐ It’s been one of those weeks where everything’s happening at once — essays, deadlines, volunteer work, and the general chaos of trying to look composed while juggling about twelve plates. But, somehow, I’m managing. Not perfectly, but well enough to be proud of it. To be fair, Council meetings nearly always are such fun, and drag up things that are truly unhinged! I just had the weirdest vibe about this one though, as it was hosted on the 5th November... C'etait, SAUVAGE! Vibes on vibes in the hub, and also I have never worn less makeup! I just haven't worn as much lately! I’ve been properly settling into university life on my foundation year, and it’s beginning to feel like home. The museum closes an hour earlier now — 4pm...

This week has been… well, a blur. My plasma infusion absolutely wiped me out — headache that lingered for three solid days, like a houseguest who didn’t get the hint. I’ve had tougher ones before, but this one definitely took the crown. Still, I managed to crawl out the other side long enough to submit my first ever Religious Studies assignment. The question? “ Define religion .” As if. Who can? Honestly. I had a full-blown existential spiral before I even opened Word. But it’s in now, and somehow I survived it. I did better than I thought, I had a little cry about the whirlwind that is my life, and how little Clare LOVED this subject but never pursued it.  Read Paul Tillich , thoroughly lost my mind, cried again, standard life of a showgirl level drama.  Despite the chaos, I’m starting to settle in. There’s something electric about this place. The lecturers actually want to be here — they love what they teach. It’s not a backup plan, not something they fell into. Tha...

It’s been a while since I updated this space. A lot has been shifting around me — settling into new routines, part-time university, and trying to navigate the ever-tricky line between rest and productivity. I’ve started my history and archaeology course , and while I want to follow the advice of well-meaning people and focus on small tasks without thinking about output, I have to admit it only made me feel worse. My body clock has been all over the place, dragging me into darkness earlier than I’d like, which has meant hauling out the sunlamp and vitamin D supplements again. Seasonal affective disorder is relentless, and I can’t pretend it’s anything but the worst. Still, there’s something undeniably beautiful about this time of year. Sweater weather , leaves falling, the subtle shift of the light — moments like these make you stop, breathe, and notice. Yet, resting too much recently started to feel less like rejuvenation and more like decay. It didn’t even feel like me. People tel...

There’s a shift in the air lately. Not just in the weather — though yes, the days are shorter, the evenings are softening into amber, and the air carries that damp sharpness that whispers of change. But inside me, too, there’s a shift I can’t quite name. Summer was slower. I had room to breathe, to exist without constantly bracing for the next thing. Now everything feels fast. Loud. Like I’ve been swept into a current that’s dragging me somewhere I’m not ready to go. And if I’m honest? I’m scared. Scared of what the CT scan might show. Scared of what the sputum and swab might reveal. I want them to show nothing — that we finally flushed out all the stubborn bugs, that this round of fighting is done. But if you live with a condition like CVID, your body trains you to expect bad news. You learn to scan constantly for danger, even when you know it exhausts you. This time, though, feels… different. I have someone in my corner — an immunologist who matches my energy, meets my gallow...