A Dietitian Visit

  A Dietitian Visit

This morning, I had an appointment with a dietitian. Not through any great act of foresight on my part, but via a self-referral scheme I didn't even know existed—because apparently, healthcare has a secret menu, and I'm only now discovering the off-menu specials. Lovely.
And she was genuinely a legend and I am SO GRATEFUL. I can also see why this info is hidden behind gatekeeping.... 

I won’t sugarcoat it—my BMI is 30. Borderline, teetering on the edge of very obese, and while BMI is a questionable metric at best, the practical reality of weight in medical settings is that it's the first thing brought up, no matter what you actually came in for. Anyone who has ever set foot in an NHS practice knows the drill: height, weight, then the inevitable speech. It’s one of my greatest fears that, at some point, my weight will be used as a barrier to baseline medical care. That fear was part of what drove me to make this decision.

"Eat Less and move more and count your calories" 
hahahahaa 
But now my metabolism is wretched, 
my joints are cracking, 
and I am not eating enough healthy proteins to stop my muscles screaming at me for doing the workout recommended to me? 

LOL

Goodbye mixed grill... 
You seem lovely, but you're not for me! Farewell!

One time I walked into my childhood GP surgery, (which I recently got kicked out from for being too "difficult" which means, I have a complicated condition and they couldn't be arsed, but I'm so grateful. I'm now at a surgery that actively does their job.. but still... that's for another day....)
I walked in with an ear infection... needing antibiotics, and was told "Eat less and move more" 
"Babe I have an immune disease the issue is in my blood I don't think my antibodies CARE if I am a size 10 or not!" I was at this time, a size 10, but my BMI was over... that's the point, obviously I'm a size 12 maybe 14 in some shops now, but you get the drift... I was refused antibiotics, and told to come back when I was less heavy... It happens all too often in general but especially to women so NOW I needed to be on top of it and raise the issue before someone else did! Prevent it getting worse.
Stop getting fatter.
Outrun the health issues. 
Beat it to the finish line by stopping it in it's tracks.. 
I can't get better but I can prevent it getting worse.... within reason... 

When I did "Fools Rush in" I lost 3kg
 and was so happy to fit into this gorgeous costume!

I have crash dieted before—many entertainers do. You either starve yourself, exist on caffeine and stress, or you’re the one left behind when the costumes are handed out. Some girls were ballet trained and they would legit just NOT EAT while on jobs, sometimes to lose weight for the next job... It wasn't the best environment for fostering a good body image, and I was larger comparatively to all the other girls.
 I blamed my surroundings, but truthfully, my own lack of education played a role. Add in the fact that my immunoglobulin infusions are dosed by weight, and it’s been a mess of conflicting priorities. Then there’s the cocktail of factors that made things worse: my asthma being wildly mismanaged for years, the metabolic impact of an antipsychotic I was given for mood swings, survivor’s guilt from COVID, and the ever-present background noise of body image issues. A perfect storm.

I was 65kg here and fairly strong... I still had some bad habits.
But that was a borderline healthy BMI

 

Then, last year, I saw a different immunologist—one who actually helped. She was kind but no-nonsense, and she did get my asthma plan sorted… well, at least she tried. My old GP surgery outright refused to do their part. They made it clear they didn’t want to, arguing that I didn’t need an inhaler every month. That lack of care tanked my mobility and made weight loss even harder. I wish I could say I was shocked, but let’s be honest—if you’re a woman with a health issue, the answer is always some combination of: It’s your hormones, it’s your mental health, you should lose weight, have you tried having a baby?

And then, my dietitian visit today. First thing she told me off for? Reckless dieting. Second thing? Wanting to be “skinny” instead of prioritising health. Third? Getting too much of my health advice from social media. Fair.

But here’s the thing—I like her. She actually knows what CVID is. I didn’t have to sit there watching a clinician Google my own condition in front of me, which is, frankly, a win in itself. And yes, she did confirm that 1200-calorie crash diets are stupid and TikTok is not a valid medical source. Sorry, Mum, you were right... 

So, where to now? I’m giving pescatarianism another go. It worked for me before—I felt better, healthier, more in control. Every time I look back at pictures from that time, I realise it was one of the rare periods where I wasn’t punishing myself with food, but actually enjoying it. And if nothing else, I can at least say I’m making informed choices this time around, not just jumping from one extreme to another.
When I was in the best shape of my life, I was pescatarian. 
I looked and felt great... 
I may have looked like a MARVEL character, but I have always like Lara Croft anyway... 
I wasn't skinny... maybe the dietician is absolutely spot on with this too. 

I had recovered from a stomach infection here, 
people congratulated me for weight loss. 
I was so proud of it... 
WELP!

No, this blog is not going to take a Belle Gibson turn—I have an actual, incurable condition, and no amount of kale or moonlight-infused water will change that. If anything, consider this an anti-quackery blog. Chronic illness is already exhausting enough without the added layer of misinformation and pseudo-science. I'm not sticking coffee up my arse. 
Respectfully that get in the bin. Chronic illnesses, can be especially shit, and I'm not gonna be that "Live Laugh Love" pillock I used to avoid on facebook. 
Positivity can be finding the light in the worst situations... 
Not denying the existence of those situations in the first place. 
Take your medicine. 
Speak to clinicians before you decide not to. 

A sauna and a walk counts as exercise
on a low-spoons day right? 

So, at least I now know how to make some better choices, slowly, not perfect ones. And if I’ve learned anything from today, it’s that a second (or third) opinion is always worth seeking out. Because the first answer is almost always, lose some weight, love, but the real answer is usually a lot more complicated than that.
The plan is to check in with the fatigue specialist... this is brill... 
Most of us with CVID have crippling fatigue, and for me the migraines and fatigue came along later... No, it's not just you not trying hard enough, and did you know that fatigue has drs for that too??? 
ASK!
Because I have been diagnosed with CVID over 5 years now and I DID NOT KNOW!!!

My brother is a chef.. almost...  which makes this hard!
Say goodbye to the lamb for me! 
(and if you CAN eat it... eat a piece FOR me!)

I'm doing an Aldi food shop today... 
Hit me with you suggestions!

(PLEASE....)


And remember, 

Always be yourself. But most importantly, learn from my mistakes, and be better than me! 

Be unapologetic, 

stay unfiltered!!!! 


With sparkles, and pixie dust! 

C