Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop… When Things Are Actually Going Well?!
There is a very particular sort of anxiety that comes with chronic illness . It isn't always “Oh God, something is wrong RIGHT NOW.... what if something bad happens to offset things? Do I deserve good things?" Sometimes it is much more subtle than that. It is the little voice in the back of your head going: “Okay… so when is the next thing going to happen?” Because when you've spent enough time having your health throw completely unexpected curveballs at you, you become rather good at anticipating them. You learn to look for the other shoe. The other ball. The next appointment. The next blood test. The next infection. The next weird symptom. The next bit of paperwork that somehow requires seventeen pieces of evidence, three phone calls and the patience of a saint. Explaining Common Variable Immunodeficiency is brutal. I still can not get my head around how it wasn't something I did to myself somehow. And then, occasionally, life goes… Fine. And honestly? I don'...