Boundary-Setting Season: A Spoonie’s Guide to Protecting Your Peace This Christmas 🎄✨

 There’s something about December that seems to give relatives a free pass to ask questions they would never dare to voice in July. You step through the door, still peeling off your coat, and suddenly it’s an open-mic night for unsolicited opinions.





“Why did you become vegetarian?”
“Got a boyfriend yet?”
“When are you going to settle down properly?”
“Are you sure you should be studying that?”
" BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS! YOU CAN EAT A FEW EXTRA CALORIES!"
"Are you sure you should be eating THAT much? remember when you were really fat last year" 

It’s the festive equivalent of being cornered by a committee you never applied to join.

Let’s be honest: Christmas visits are rarely simple, especially when you’re navigating chronic illness, recovery arcs, or just plain old self-development. The season is wrapped in tinsel, but the emotional labour underneath can feel like lifting a piano with one hand. It's brutal. 

Why Boundaries Matter Now More Than Ever




When you’re already tired, already juggling symptoms, medications, appointments, energy levels, self-care, and your own ambitions, the last thing you need is the background noise of other people’s insecurities dressed up as “concern.”

Because that’s what so much of it is.

You set a goal for the new year?
Someone calls it unrealistic because it reminds them of everything they aren’t doing.

You lose weight for your health?
Someone says it’s self-hatred, because they can’t bear to question their own habits.

You start studying again, rebuilding your life?
Someone decides it must be a sign of depression, because it’s easier than admitting you might grow beyond the version of you they were comfortable with.

Misery does love company. And when you step out of the trench and start reclaiming your life, some people won’t cheer. They’ll flinch, because if you can rise, then what is their excuse for staying where they are? People always tell you that when you're at your sickest, that's when you find out who your real friends are and the family that back you t the hilt at Christmas, but I am sorry to say that's only half true... 

And that’s where boundaries come in. Boundaries aren’t rude. They’re not unkind. They are an act of stewardship: your energy, your health, your future.

“No” Is a Complete Sentence



This festive period, perhaps it’s worth remembering:

Do you want beef on your Christmas plate?
No.

Do you owe anyone an explanation about not partaking in the Christmas ham?
Also no.

Will you be roasting extra veg because it makes you feel good, grounded, and nourished?
Absolutely yes.

You didn’t make changes because you hated yourself. True self-improvement doesn’t come from self-loathing. It comes from finally seeing your own worth clearly.

Anyone trying to convince you otherwise is projecting. And you’re not obliged to stand still and be their mirror.




A Note on People Who Vanish When You Get Better





We’re often told that illness reveals who your true friends are. That when the chips are down, the real ones remain.

That isn’t the whole story.

Sometimes the healing is what exposes people.

When you start improving, moving forward, reclaiming your ambition, your brightness, your spark, that’s when people who benefitted from your stillness start slipping away.
They liked you unwell. They liked you limited. They liked you dimmed.

Because your insight, your empathy, your creativity, your emotional labour were always available to them.

And your recovery threatens the power dynamic.

Let them go.
The bridge was already burning; you’re just walking away from the smoke. Honestly, it's one less card to write or present to buy.
Of course everyone's got their own stuff going on , and it's most important to be kind, no matter what, but if there is a sketchy track record there, evaluate that, and wish them well, kindly. Wish them healing, hopefully they end up where they are meant to be, in their own time, they don't have to sabotage others though, that's when it is time to draw a line in it, gently and firmly. 




Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries This Christmas





1. Decide your non-negotiables beforehand.
Food choices, workload, topics you won’t discuss, social events you’re skipping. Once decided, stick to them.

2. Use short, calm statements.
No over-explaining. No apologising.
“I’m not talking about that today.”
“I won’t be eating that, thank you.”
“I’m resting now.”

3. Create escape plans.
Drive yourself if you can. Set time limits. Take breaks in another room if needed.

4. Protect your mornings.
Start the day gently before anyone else’s energy interferes. Tea, music, a walk, grounding oils… your sanctuary.

5. Don’t take the bait.
Some questions are fishing lines designed to pull you into emotional labour. Smile, refuse to bite, float on.

6. Remember your progress is not up for debate.
You set the pace of your recovery, your career, your lifestyle, your relationships, No committee required.




Preparing Yourself Mentally for the Holiday Rush

• Centre yourself before leaving work or uni.
A breathing ritual, a few minutes of silence, ice-cold water, or grounding scent .

• Visualise the chaos but detach from it.
See the blizzard of Christmas shoppers as background noise, not your responsibility. Plan your route in advance, and have a contingency plan at the ready for flare-ups, road closures, or public transport nonsense! (This is a must!, I know it sounds excessive, and maybe it is, but I promise you... It's worth the extra time investment!)

• Keep headphones ready.
Your own soundtrack protects your inner world from public frenzy. 
(And from being WHAMMED... If you're playing....)

• Treat yourself on the way home, and when you get home.
A good tea, a quiet corner, a sweet treat in a café with a gingerbread latte, something cosy for dinner when you get in, and prep a long shower, a small reward for surviving humanity in bulk. Make it like a mini spa- session at your home! Candles, cosy music, soft scents, and then something calming to wind down before bed... Treat yourself! (Weirdly enough it makes me feel more festive to watch Hallmark movies after a long hot bath! Though I do wish they weren't all so heteronormative...) I think I watch "A Christmas Prince" every year, but now there is a whole franchise of them, so I make it a mission to watch every Christmas movie on Netflix, every year, and slowly buy in small things, a mince pie here, a bun there.... Small things I keep in the fridge... Also TANGERINES.. Get that Vitamin C in... Plus they smell so good!

• Don’t push yourself to “be festive.”
Honour where your body is. You’re not a Christmas decoration.

You’re allowed to grow.
You’re allowed to improve.
You’re allowed to walk away from anyone who insists that your life should stay small so they feel more comfortable in theirs. You're allowed to step back from that dynamic without spite. 
You're allowed to each as much or as little as you want, and put that medical advice over and above a relative yelling about roast potatoes... Or food guilt in general...
You're allowed. 

Boundaries are not walls.
They’re gates, and you decide who passes through.

And if Auntie Beryl has complaints about your lack of ham or your excess of ambition, or offers to set you up with someone?

She may keep those complaints firmly zipped, respectfully.


With my heart, 

- Clare Alexandra 

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