Surviving “The November Scaries”









There’s a particular kind of madness that descends on any uni campus after Reading Week. One moment you’re blinking at your timetable, convinced there’s still all the time in the world; the next, the assignments are marching toward you like an invading army, each demanding attention, structure, citations, and some semblance of intellectual composure. It basically is "Plato's Cave" ... But more widespread... Honestly the collective ICK could be felt, and for me, well It's been a while, so all I had was doubt! haha

I call this season The November Scaries.
And honestly? I did not expect to make it through.

Even at half the workload of a traditional student, it has been a lot. Not just academically, but emotionally. I came into this course as someone who hadn’t studied in years, someone who assumed their mind had rusted over at the hinges. Someone carrying far more than just notebooks and pens into the classroom. Trauma has a strange way of slipping into the reading list when you least expect it, sitting beside you in lectures like an uninvited guest. I thought I had likely skill-regressed so hard that every grade I ever got in any exam ever was essentially useless knowledge in itself.. Ironically not worth recording, considering my area of study, the irony is not lost on me... I feel like I should invoice for Free Exposure Therapy... People pay a lot for exposure therapy, and I am here, getting it for free alongside my learning plans! Grateful doesn't even touch the sides, I can't explain it. 

Honestly, I saw this video about how Miss Winter suddenly arrives, and it took me clean out, laughing until I had belly ache for about 40 mins. "You will rise early, and in the dark... the same as when you leave to return home.... The light is scarce and shall not be wasted on idle frivolity... " Honestly winter as an early 1800s governess is hysterical. 
Attaching here.. for posterity... duh... 



Yet despite all that, I found myself enjoying these last few weeks. Really enjoying them... an UNHOLY amount... We are talking emailing the lecturer Dr. G and virtually begging for more reading material because I had burned through the assigned reading and was just thirsty for knowledge. She needs canonising for her patience honestly... It's infectious to be taught by people like that. Also Dr. J.... Absolute legend... her sense of humour just makes it all so much fun, and her empathy for people and how they lived, how she draws parallels with the modern day it's just, inspiring. It makes me feel like she is speaking to my inner child, and that's pretty special too... I hope her High School students realise how lucky they are, either now or in the future, someday... It's bittersweet to be ending term already! 
But I still have ONE MORE THING TO SUBMIT... Before it's time for "Thanks for everything... see you again in class soon... and MERRY CHRISTMAS!".... Why am I SO SAD? haha November has been intense! 

The end of autumn felt like crossing a threshold I never believed I’d reach. I was convinced that by now, someone would tap me on the shoulder and quietly escort me off campus for “lack of engagement” or general academic hopelessness. 

Instead, I’m still here.
And I’m doing better than expected.  

I can see the light peeking out of Plato's cave and a singular sunbeam caresses my face... 

A Strange Little Triumph

Today I put up the Christmas tree by myself.
Normally my father handled all of that. He was the keeper of lists, the commander of fairy lights, the man who began Christmas inventory in August with military precision.

So it’s never easy, decorating without him.
But I did it. Late this year, yes, but I did it. And I’m proud.

(Photos to come once I’m finished fussing over it, naturally.)

The Week of Mystery Illness

Somewhere in the chaos, I also caught what I think must have been Freshers’ Flu. A dizzy, emotional, sore-throated, tear-prone week where gravity felt optional and I briefly wondered if my body had simply resigned from participation. I sent a swab. Heard nothing. I assume it got lost or I recovered too fast to be interesting. Either way, relief won.
I was crying over Debussy, while reading all about colonialism, and how messed up 17th century England was. Honestly I cried over everything that week, it was absurd.. I also got a B, and it was so close to an A, that I cried... Girl. Please. You've never got a B in uni in anything in your life... Then you came here, and got 3 A's and a B and are crying it wasn't straight A's... ? What in the Hermione Granger? Chill out, at least it's a fun discipline... 
I went to the sauna a LOT... Read some more juicy books in the sauna.. 
Like THIS ONE HERE! 





You can get this one ....  HERE

The way I love this subject? It literally isn't even funny. 
It's not just me being the weird cousin who makes everything super awkward with history facts at the table that literally no one EVER asked for... or breaking a silence with "Did you know....?" 
But it's people and their stories... obviously, I care about this as an actor... and the history of women and their stories is something I care about a LOT! I LOVE Mythic stories, and how they weave into society, and I love the ancient world too actually... I managed to sneak a lil anecdote or 2 from this book into my essay for Religions, and chose the ancient world, which is chewy enough to break a tooth, so I am of course a little apprehensive. 3 assignments submitted... 2 out of 3 were incredible grades! I am with baited breath.... I have also been naming my essays really absurd working titles for bants... to get me through. "Working title"= normal, traditional, basic... "WERK-ing 💅✨ title" = Slay. Another A would be another slay actually... I am not bragging, I have hella imposter syndrome, like, babe what is happening? Like I said in my last blog post.... WHO IS THIS GIRL?  Bangers for essay titles have so far included "God is a Woman"- Deconstructing the St. Hilda Community, "Decolonising Javasu- Caraboo the Commoner Princess", "Here Be Monsters", and "Like a Virgin" when talking about the Vestals... I wish I could tell you, dear reader what I was thinking... I don't know though actually. I just think it's a fun way to add a little bit of ✍✨spice✨... It sure as hell keeps me motivated to actually DO THE WORK... 




VIDEO LINK for reference, haha =P : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThUAahmAtDE 









Discovering the Why

The modules this term have been a revelation.
Exploring the religious, historical, and sociological reasons behind human behaviour has reminded me why spirituality has shaped human empathy in ways nothing else quite manages. This field carries a softness and a seriousness, an ancientness and a pulse.
It feels like home to me.

And to celebrate the high marks I earned in essay writing, I treated myself to something boujie - something that reminds me of little Clare, the tiny version of me who always knew I belonged somewhere meaningful, somewhere expansive. A reminder of why I started all this in the first place. I also got myself something warm that ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE WEARING...  Something that during the winter feels chic and snuggly, but also, I can just tuck into my jeans casually, and not all the way on a ski slope like "Oh raaah, you're drinking Cognac again??? No I don't drink darling, I have my hot chocolate and my Marcus Aurelius, leave me be ya!"
Obviously, stoicism... But I can't ski... I was very good at tobogganing in Lapland though! Even faster on a sled with the doggies! 

Why I Vanished in the Last Week of November- or like.... all of it? 

In case anyone wondered why the blog went silent:
It was simply The November Scaries.
I was locking in, holding steady, doing what needed to be done.

And I made it.  
I have also been religiously using the sunlamp, journaling both long and short form, and meditating a lot... Building routines is nonsense, habit-stacking is not! These tiktoks are hysterical... hahaha! But it is a thing.. it's called "The November Reading slump" Biblically accurate November... 

****THE VIDEO DIARIES OF THESE STUDENTS IS HILARIOUSLY ACCURATE! HAHAHAHA ****

Moving into Winter

Now begins the Christmas spam, the twinkling lights, the little rituals, and hopefully a gentler December.

I am profoundly grateful to the tutors who guided us through these modules over the last three months. This course has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Possibly the best thing.
Right up there with changing GP… which tells you everything you need to know, dear reader... that I wished I had done it sooner... 

Onward, now.
Into winter.
Into whatever comes next, and I will have more pics in my next post! haha... it's just like everything else... The longer you leave these things the weirder it is to get back into the swing of it all! 



— Clare Alexandra ❄️✨🕊️ 

P.S- new google search function just dropped.. so enjoy some juicy searches of how people have been in the absolute trenches while studying hahhahahaahahaahahaha  (I have too been in the trenches... I am now recovering... it's been a lot... and even my sense of humour didn't wholly preserve me. )






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