✨ New Year, New me? ... Nah... ✨

This Christmas, my family gifted me something extraordinary: the most beautiful journal I have ever seen. Truly boujie, and somehow, entirely magical. It’s from Samalanah, by Hannah Lily Designs in Brecon, and it feels like it was made for reflection, intention, and a touch of indulgence. If you know me, you know bullet journaling isn’t just a hobby—it’s a lifeline. My analogue system is already elaborate: an academic journal, a wellness tracker, a planning journal, and a long-form diary that’s part catharsis, part incoherent rambling. But this journal… it’s on another level. Every detail whispers intention. Every page feels like it was made to be filled with moments that matter, not just lists or obligations.


I was recommended this shop when in another shop and failing to find what I needed and now, I love it. 



The way I love this shop, I fail to even put into words, everything in there is so YUMMY! They make all kinds of soaps, and scents, and all made ethically, handmade, and from all-natural ingredients. 
Link to Journal HERE


The personal anecdotes in the first few pages are such a nice touch! I love things that are made with feeling and intention! 

What I adore most is that there is no mood tracker. Instead, you note: today was magical, today was satisfactory, or I’ll have a better day tomorrow. There’s no space for doom and gloom, no checklist for sadness. It forces you to reflect: why am I holding space for negativity? What is it that I need to process, to move, or to park? And there’s freedom in that reflection. This isn’t a “good vibes only” system—it’s deeper than that. It’s about confronting your state of mind with honesty, without letting it consume you. To examine the darkness, decide what deserves attention, and consciously leave the rest behind. Not forgetting, not forgiving, but choosing.

It also enables me to focus on why am I feeling negative? What am I not saying? then I let myself process it, by drawing more attention to it, instead of intellectualising it!

I find this a mechanical system that really helps me to break down patterns and effectively try to trouble-shoot things. This isn't negative, this is respect, more importantly, it's not toxic positivity. 







This LAY-OUT?! So concise, and the lack of space for the night-time, forces me to be more intentional about slowing down!

Something on today's agenda though, to touch grass.. so... 

✨ Today, I went for a walk. ✨

Not a casual stroll, but a true spoons-worthy outing with the dog around the boujie manor house hotel. The snow fell lightly, the sunlight sparkled off every frosted surface, and I soaked it all in. It doesn’t sound like much, but for someone like me, with limited “good spoons” days, this was a small miracle. Seasonal affective disorder is an ongoing challenge, and there’s a simple, profound joy in the brightness of a winter sun and the crisp cold that fills your lungs. Even fifteen minutes outside can feel like a renaissance of the senses—fresh air, snowflakes landing on eyelashes, the soft padding of paws in the snow. On a bad day I am flat out in bed, and that is not secret, but I have to state the obvious here, otherwise I am doing someone else a disservice. You are not failing, if you see my good days and compare your illness to my blog. If you have CVID and you're reading this like "Who does she think she is? Her life is so beige and perfect!" Honestly, keep reading. I have a gift for you that opened my eyes this afternoon and honestly, I would like you to have it... It's ALL ABOUT that mentality, and how it stifles us all as women... I promise, I really honestly, PROMISE YOU... This will help... 


It is dangerous to go alone, Girlypop. Please take this with you on your quest babe!. 💅✨






While walking, I let myself drift between music and podcasts. I listened to OM and Binaural Beats music on YouTube, and then, almost randomly, I landed on Florence Given’s podcast episode, Humble Crumble. Perhaps it was fate—or maybe my algorithm is trying to coach me out of doom-scrolling—but her words cut through like sunlight through clouds:

“If you just let yourself be so good that it pisses people off… don’t you want to taste that version of yourself? You will trigger other people's insecurities. Women we envy are portals and teachers—they show us what we need to heal in ourselves.”

I sat on a bench in the sunlight and just… felt it. Felt the weight of years spent shrinking myself to fit expectations—of femininity, of being “acceptable,” of performing a version of myself that didn’t always feel like me. Tall poppy syndrome, chronic illness, and societal messaging had all chipped away at my confidence, quietly whispering that my ambition, my brilliance, my voice, or even my body were too much. 

"Stop pretending you want less. It doesn't make you a good person, and it doesn't make you a good person judging other women who have that stuff... You were taught that you don't deserve things. NO MORE HUMBLE CRUMBLE!" Honestly, women who are unabashedly themselves PISS PEOPLE OFF and women will try and humble you, by telling you that you are taking up too much space, because they are themselves unhappy, and a little girl inside of them crying "That's not fair!" They will do it in the name of character-building, but really it is just enabling the worst types of people in human society, those that lack creativity, empathy, and critical thinking to overtake us, in all aspects of our lives by playing small, and self-censoring in the name of being kind, gentle, and "unproblematic". To clarify at no given point... pun intended... is she promoting a toxic main character energy syndrome here! Don't be a dick, obviously, but genuinely we as women tell ourselves that we don't want things, when we obviously do... Other women wouldn't piss us off if we didn't. There would be nothing to envy... right? 

"Women who love themselves don't have time to judge other women and shame them into submission, they are too busy living their own lives!" - Florence Given


She is right though, so many women, we shame away desire to achieve, and say that there are more important things in life "I don't need all that... I don't  care about that" You do though... The biggest one is attention seeking accusations... that's a tell they want attention... That her inner child is upset that she never got to take the spotlight, and so as a grown woman, loves policing others. "If I don't have this, no one can" It's not a bad thing to want to be seen... We hate that other women are magnetic and command attention because we were told that we were embarrassing and therefore we cringe at women who express themselves and romanticise life. We might even throw some moral purity in there too. It's intellectualised jealousy whereby we "Impose our moral judgements onto other women to become drunk on moral superiority" If NOT YOU who gets the life you wanted... then who? spit out your humble crumble, because honestly the worst people? they do not question themselves even once, and yet they thrive and succeed at everything simply because they have the audacity, and do not care when someone else chats absolute shit about them... It's a public service. 
You will give them an example of the unhealed shit they need to confront anyway.

Reading Florence’s book, Women Don’t Owe You Pretty, alongside the podcast, brought all of this into focus. One of the most resonant threads in the book is her exploration of femininity itself. She describes it as largely a series of rituals, a costume of womanhood—from the way we dress, to how we behave, to the beauty and fashion expectations we carry. It’s performative, layered, and often coded by society’s gaze. Florence’s own experiences as a queer femme forced her to interrogate this narrative personally, and honestly, as a proud bisexual woman who leans Sapphic, it hits home for me. I never felt pretty enough to be trendy, or extroverted enough to follow the fashion trends I liked the look of, or butch enough to read as queer. Is it possible to be pretty AND a massive fucking nerd? Florence says YES. Vibes. Am I pretty enough not to offend or threaten men with my queerness?... again... park that insecurity, because only the worst men amongst the entire species are gonna be chill with that one. What's worse is those types of people are a minority anyway. Do I have to bonk everything with a pulse to be valid? also nope. I can be picky. It doesn't make me any less of a queer girl, and it doesn't make me anti-feminist either. Being socially awkward is totally allowed. Just do you, boo. I honestly advise buying this book, even though I found it triggering! Because I needed it! 👉 LINK TO BUY IT HERE




Now.... More about this mind-blowing podcast episode! 


Florence challenges the idea that we must choose between intellect, aesthetics, and softness, and I have lived this tension my entire life. My blog is aesthetic; I’ve always wanted to play with fashion, soft vibes, and creative self-expression—but I’ve been told over and over to pick one: either smart or pretty, deep or delicate. It’s nonsense. Absolutely nonsense. And the more I reflected while walking today, the more I realized how powerful it is to combine all of myself without compromise.

In the podcast episode, she says:

“When someone says ‘ew, who does she think she is?’ that’s a confession of their repressed desire to embody what that other woman is embodying. Do you hate your corporate job? And you envy that artist because you think she has no one to answer to, so you tell her to knock it off and do a real job? Do you really hate pretty things and see them as anti-feminist consumerism? Or do you want to explore your own aesthetic and fashion? Because we don’t come for women’s looks as much anymore… we come for her morals. That’s where we stab her.”

Big mood. 💥 Honestly, as an introvert, this speaks to my heart. I’ve always been a little awkward, nerdy, and yes—a soft aesthetic lover—while still being intensely ambitious and intellectually curious. Florence’s words gave me permission to merge all these parts: the intellectual, the aesthetic, the femme, the quiet, the bold. To explore, to play, and to exist without splitting myself into socially acceptable categories.

The journal itself—crafted by Hannah Lily Designs in Brecon—feels like an extension of that ethos. It’s tangible, beautiful, and intentionally made. Its pages don’t ask me to perform or judge; they simply invite me to reflect, to consider what matters, and to craft my life on my own terms. It’s a reminder that the tools we choose to structure our days—be they journals, planners, or rituals—can themselves be a form of self-expression, of rebellion, and of care.

✨ On this walk, I allowed myself to pause, to breathe, to soak in sunlight, snow, and self-reflection. ✨

I thought about the new year—not as a moment for resolutions, but as a threshold, a gentle reminder that time passes, and we are here to make it matter. No arbitrary “new year, new me.” Just intention. Curiosity. Mindfulness. Connection. Choosing to be, rather than perform, and to create space for others to be, too. I don't have to be extroverted and of service to others, and literally a customer service worker in daily life, just to have the right to exist and read books.. With the rise of anti-intellectualism, I honestly start to wonder if the reason we are losing our empathy as a society for ourselves and each other is directly in correlation with the fact that we do not read. Ironically I think Florence Given showed up in my Youtube autoplay because I have been trying to consume media more intentionally, and less passive doom-scrolling. As a result I have been searching on purpose, different ways to combat a short attention span, in order to build my brain some plasticity and "lock in for spring reset" 
I am also bored without uni right now... But this said, I have been using this time to get up close and personal with my reading lists... Divider tabs everywhere... I have been reading the works of Sappho lately... She was the original IT GIRL, The Queen Bee, an Icon, a BOUJIE princess with a major case of Main Character Syndrome ™️ and honestly? I love her for it... 
More on this in the next blog post though! She deserves it! ... 
But just to tease it... I honestly see Sappho as Regina George but without the internalised homophobia! haha! I have been reading the Penguin Classics edition with the foreword from Carol Ann Duffy and it is VICIOUS! The cross- references? slay.  👑


So, my intention for 2026 is simple: to uplift others without placating them, to live authentically, and to reflect with courage, curiosity, and compassion. To allow my voice, my energy, and my magic to exist fully, without diminishing myself to make anyone else comfortable. To examine negativity, learn what I can, and consciously park the rest. To embrace my authentic self with tenderness, joy, and strength.

✨ Some affirmations I’m carrying into the year: ✨

  • I am enough exactly as I am. 💫

  • I choose authenticity over approval. 🌿

  • Envy is a teacher, not a weapon. 🕊️

  • My presence uplifts without compromise. ✨

  • I allow joy, magic, and light to enter my days. 🌞

  • I honour my body, my mind, and my energy. 🦋

  • I give myself permission to pause, reflect, and rest. 🛋️

  • I celebrate the women around me as teachers, not rivals. 💖

  • I embrace my aesthetic, intellect, and femininity without apology. 🎨📚

Here’s to 2026: a year of reflection, courage, and unapologetic self-expression. A year of embracing small miracles, like sunlight on snow, walks with our dogs, journals that inspire us to think, and words that cut through the noise. A year of tasting life’s rich menu, taking what nourishes us, and leaving behind what no longer serves us.

With love, clarity, and determination,

Clare Alexandra 💎


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